Ours

It took me almost a week to write you another letter. I couldn't bring myself to do so, 'cause every time I try to start, a lump in my throat forms. But I have, I need to. I want to share my feelings with you.

There are a lot of things going on in my mind now. I have been reconnecting with old friends, and I realized many things through them. No matter how perfect someone else life looks, it is still not perfect. Some are blessed financially, but this cannot compensate with the emptiness they feel inside their home. Some are not happy with their marriage, others do not have anyone to share their success with.

Our marriage is like them too. We are blessed with this special bond, but financially, we have to struggle. Which made you work somewhere else, some far away place. If I have to chose between a blessed relationship and financial blessings, I wouldn't trade what we have with any material thing. Even when we are miles away, I can feel the warmth of your love. No amount of material abundance could ever make me feel this warmth, just you.

Yesterday, I cried when I watched the story of someone's wife who died in a mall explosion. They were just like us. Young couple with one daughter. She died and their dreams died with her. I wouldn't want that to happen with us. If I have to die early, I would want to spend my remaining days with you. Building memories which you can hold on to, forever. But if we can not afford that luxury yet, I would have to content myself with just writing you. And sending you messages every day, if not every hour. To let you feel my love. And every time I tell you that I love you, I mean it. Every part of me means it.

I know you know me so well. I do not have to tell you things in detail, because before I do, you have blurted them out already. A lot of times while watching TV or simply passing time, I would think of something, but before I have voiced them out, I find you sharing to me the same thoughts that crossed my mind. Even with our eyes, we convey our thoughts and we understand. This kind of understanding that we share never ceases to amaze me.

We do not have a perfect life. We cannot afford yet, to be beside each other. But I am contented, because what you have offered me, what we have is almost the perfect love.

I love you.

A Start

I promised I will write to you everyday. But I haven't written a single word for you the past two months. I have contented myself with text messages and online calls. I don't want to bother you with my ever changing mood because I know you worry too much about me. I am always emotional and you have been my pillar of strength. You may not be able to lay your eyes on this at once, but I know in my heart, eventually, you will. So today, I am starting a love letter that will take three years to finish. Three years.

October 17, 1999. We spent the night watching the stars, talking about everything. I know you were tired from work, but you chose to stay awake with me. And since then, you never left my side. Despite the struggles that we have to face, the criticisms that we have to endure, we remained together. Who would have thought that we would last this long? Maybe for the people around us, it was just a fleeting feeling, but for us, it was real. Our marriage is not a fairy tale. We have arguments, we have problems, terrible problems, but the reason why we are still together is all because of you. You never gave up on me. You are always willing to forgive and to forget. When I have failed you, you welcomed me with open arms, no questions asked.

My eyes are starting to swell with tears already. It is difficult for me to put into words my feelings right now. I just wanted to cry and be comforted in your loving arms. But I couldn't make you come home like I always do. Not yet.

I was selfish to quit my job and drive you away from home. But I wanted you to find your own wings too. Even if no words were spoken about how you feel, I know. And I hate it that you feel that way. I want you to feel proud and be proud of who you are. No matter what happens, you will always find us here, waiting for you with open arms. No questions asked. Just like you always do.

Thoughtful Sunday

The moment you open up to someone is also the moment you give them the power to control you.

But

At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross.
- Meredith grey, Grey's Anatomy