Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Let's face it.

" I will write everyday." Mico promised me before he left for the states. I was crying uncontrollably that Mico just stood there, watching, but in pain. He wanted to console me, I can see it from his eyes. But his words are not enough to console me. How could I stop crying when my only source of strength and joy is leaving me? He was my knight in shining armor and I was always the damsel in distress. But when he left, he left me in distress. We were ten years old. It took me six years to get over him, and two years to build the confidence that I have now.

But now.

" Mia Jacinto" naturally, I was called after a couple of names. I tried to look as normal as possible, but I guess I failed. Because even our instructor looked at me quizzically. My hands are trembling so I immediately put it down. Fortunately, he continued with the roll call.

"Mia?" I heard him whisper. I did not look at him. I dare not look at him. It was the longest class I have ever been. I tried to appear interested, but I was not able to understand a single topic discussed. I have entertained thoughts of dropping the subject, but it is a prerequisite to another subject that I need to take on my fourth year. What if I change schedule, instructor?School? No! I Shouldn't do that. I should show him I am a different person now. I am brave and confident.

Then all of a sudden, I felt someone's arms around me. But it felt good.

" Mia, I am so glad we've met again."

Like a lightning, realization strucked me dead, that someone is Mico. I stood up, gathered my things, and faced him with the sweetest smile i didn't know i possess, until then.

" Hi Mico, Nice to see you again." I started to walk, then I looked back. " See you around." Before I took a step, I saw a trace of pain in his eyes. it may be my sweetest smile, but my eyes were freezing cold.

He left me in distress.

Mom was buried two days before Mico bade goodbye. I was clinging on his company, depending on him to uplift me from the excruciating pain deep within my heart. I was just ten, and I already lost my mom. Then the only person who truly knows me left too. All too sudden.

He lied.

No letters came. I waited. Still none. It was devastating. Everyday I would check our mailbox, but everyday, I always find it empty.

No reasons, no explanations. Not a single word from him. He simply vanished.

Then we met here by chance. And for him, it seems nothing has changed. He changed. I changed. Promises unfulfilled.

As I open the door to our house, I sensed something different. There were voices. Indistinct talking. I heard my dad's voice, a woman and a man's voice who sounds too familiar.

When I stepped into my dad's study room, it was as if I expected to see the sight that greeted me.

"Mia!" Dad and Aunt Anette cried in unison. Aunt Anette stood up and hugged me. I instantly hugged her too. Then from the corner, I saw Mico, smiling, staring at us.

" You have grown into a beautiful lady!' Aunt Anette held me at arms length, studying me. I can see genuine fondness in her eyes, She was like a second mother to me. She and Mom were the best of friends. Remembering Mom made me teary eyed. Which Aunt Anette mistook for my joy in seeing her. " Save those tears for Mico" She pointed in his direction. I didn't know what to do. Should I embrace him? I stood there, frozen, not knowing what to do.

" We met earlier Mom." Mico, playing the role he abandoned eight years ago. " She's still in shock. Give her time to digest everything." He saved me for the nth time from looking stupid.
He walked towards me, offered his hands. " Will you show me our favorite place in the garden?" I know what he was trying to do. He is doing it again. Before I could say anything,he pulled me from where I was standing. He led me to our sacred spot in the garden. Two swings, surrounded by sampaguita plants. We planted those plants and made a pact that we would take good care of it. Every afternoon, after we have pulled the weeds and watered the plant, we would sit in our swing and admire our work.

He stopped. Slowly he let go of my hand. He was staring at a cemented ground, no more swings, no more sampaguita plants. " What happened?" There was a hint of sadness in his voice.

"The plants died. The swings were rusty" I couldn't look at him while I was saying this. I was feeling guilty, which i shouldn't.

" You let them die?" I only nodded. " Why?" He was sounding frustrated. I wanted to scream at him. " I took good care of the damn plants for five years. Oiled the swings for five years. Hoping that you would write and ask about it, ask a picture of this sacred spot. But you never did!"
Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I looked at Mico and he was white as a ghost. I couldn't believe it, I actually screamed at him.

Silently, he walked away. I stood there, motionless. It would have been better if I was lifeless. I didn't know what to do. On the next day i will have to face him again. How would I react? Would I talk to him? No, I do not need to explain anything. if there is someone who should do the explaining, it should be him. He was the one who left me, he abandoned me. Defeated, I slowly walk towards our house. Dad would be waiting for me. He tried to fill the emptiness I felt when Mom died and Mico gone. He saw how I withdrawn myself from people. All I cared about for five years was my books and the garden. I did not even notice my high school life. They say it was the best time of your life. Mine was worst. I lived in my own private world. Then on my high school graduation, I was valedictorian, but no one was celebrating my achievement with me. Just me and my dad. No friends. It was when I realized that I need to move on. My high school life was uneventful, I shouldn't let it happen in college. So when dad and I got home after the ceremony. I asked him to remove the swings, while I busied myself uprooting the plants. I buried the plants. and cemented the place. The way i buried my past and cemented my heart