For you

I found this poem and I thought of you. It very well reflects how I feel.

Awkward Silence
Author: Mike Styrcula

Every time you call I'm filled with joy
For it's one more time I get to hear your sweet voice.
I love to hear your laugh.
I swear I can see it through the phone.
It's what brightens my life
From dusk ti'l dawn and morning ti'l night.
As night starts to set
Butterflies crawl in my stomach and never seem to go away.
Then comes this awkward silence that so many like to break.
But this kind is different.
It's the kind of silence that you don't mind having around
The kind that lets you know
the person you love is just on the other side
Saying without words, I love you

All I want for Christmas...is YOU

I was engulfed by sadness today. I couldn't control my tears from flowing, then I heard myself sobbing. I am sad because you are away and for the first time since meeting you, we are spending christmas away from each other. I wouldn't forget ths christmas, nor the christmases of the coming years. I know in my heart that no matter how I try to smile and laugh, a part of me is silently crying.

Merry Christmas dad. You may not be physically present, but in our heart, you never left.

I love you

You have been away for more than two months already, but it feels like years. I am still in pain, and I guess, this pain will linger on until you extinguish it with your presence. The distance between us helped me realize how important you are to me. But it made me open my world to a different level of pain. You took a part of me when you left. So only your presence can make me whole again.

I do not love you because you do things that makes me feel comfortable, happy and secure. I love you. No explanations needed. I do not need to find a reason why I feel this way. I just do. I believe that finding the reason for loving reduces it to simply a product of the "reason". I love you not for anything else. I just know it in my heart.

I love you even if you are not physically present. I love you even if you can no longer do things for me. I love you even if we don't talk often. I love you even if you can't make me laugh as often as you used to. I love you even if I have to make coffee on my own, even if I have to deal with every day life alone. I love you even if you snore. I love you even if you have grown your hair long. I love you even when you switches from one channel to another. I love you even when you refuses to grant my requests.

I love YOU.

A test

Today I feel so gloomy. Probably because I was not able to talk to you last night. You know, I always look forward to Friday. Because Friday is the only time that I can gaze at your face for a longer period of time, drink in the sweetness of your voice and be assured through your words. Without the usual Friday, I feel that my week is not complete. Every after our "Friday moment", I feel energized. I am so full of energy that lasts for a whole week.

I am still going through something emotionally. I have always been like this, emotional. And the only person who can truly understand, tolerate and make me feel good is you. I have often referred to you and our daughter, my strength. In every sense of the word, it is true. I look forward to the future because of you. I have almost lost my direction, but I managed to steer my life in the right way because of you. Clearly, you are the reason why i am still breathing.

So imagine how difficult it is for me to live away from you. I am half awake, half alive. And it breaks my heart whenever infidelity crosses my mind. But I believe you. You have often reassured me that you will not go astray. I trust you.

I love you.

Ours

It took me almost a week to write you another letter. I couldn't bring myself to do so, 'cause every time I try to start, a lump in my throat forms. But I have, I need to. I want to share my feelings with you.

There are a lot of things going on in my mind now. I have been reconnecting with old friends, and I realized many things through them. No matter how perfect someone else life looks, it is still not perfect. Some are blessed financially, but this cannot compensate with the emptiness they feel inside their home. Some are not happy with their marriage, others do not have anyone to share their success with.

Our marriage is like them too. We are blessed with this special bond, but financially, we have to struggle. Which made you work somewhere else, some far away place. If I have to chose between a blessed relationship and financial blessings, I wouldn't trade what we have with any material thing. Even when we are miles away, I can feel the warmth of your love. No amount of material abundance could ever make me feel this warmth, just you.

Yesterday, I cried when I watched the story of someone's wife who died in a mall explosion. They were just like us. Young couple with one daughter. She died and their dreams died with her. I wouldn't want that to happen with us. If I have to die early, I would want to spend my remaining days with you. Building memories which you can hold on to, forever. But if we can not afford that luxury yet, I would have to content myself with just writing you. And sending you messages every day, if not every hour. To let you feel my love. And every time I tell you that I love you, I mean it. Every part of me means it.

I know you know me so well. I do not have to tell you things in detail, because before I do, you have blurted them out already. A lot of times while watching TV or simply passing time, I would think of something, but before I have voiced them out, I find you sharing to me the same thoughts that crossed my mind. Even with our eyes, we convey our thoughts and we understand. This kind of understanding that we share never ceases to amaze me.

We do not have a perfect life. We cannot afford yet, to be beside each other. But I am contented, because what you have offered me, what we have is almost the perfect love.

I love you.